Why is life like that?

Days flew pass 2 more days to chinese dance syf. Worried, anxious and i dont know what to do anymore. Heard somethings that is not so pleasant but a bad news always come with a comforting one. I maybe wrong to think that everyone is simple and innocent, but that is what i chose to believe in, whether it is to lie to myself or it is what i really believe in. I thought we are good now but seems like its not. I thought i knew you a bit more and better now but seems like its not. I thought everything is as it is now but seems like its not. I admit that i am not sensitive with issues like that but i have to admit that it hurts to hear such things. It hurts even more when you have to put up a strong front and continue smiling. Things arent easy for any of us and it sure isnt easy for you too. I am really tired of things now, dance is my life but it certainly isnt always that great. comforting news is that despite all this stupid stuff i did to someone, that person still stood up for me. It is really comforting but also it makes me feel really bad because i have never really cared about things that that person did. I wish things was better. I wish i had done a better job. I wish i was a better leader and i wish all this stuff have never happened.