Randomly Missing Everyone

It's been so long but I felt the urge to do this because there's nowhere else I can express this emotional. It's funny how I was just scrolling instagram and just started randomly missing everyone in my life. It's been so long since I last spent quality time with my friends without having to worry about my school work and it's been so long since I had time to stop and think. Looking at old photos and just randomly crying because of how helpless I feel trying to study for my exam tmr and remembering how I could get help anywhere because of the people around me last time. It's so sad to feel like Im alone although my life aint that lonely right now. It's funny how I feel this emptiness hitting me so hard I couldnt continue studying. I miss you my friends, even if you were not my friend. I miss the times we had together and how we could joke around and have big dreams that we think is possible. What a time. I'm not sure what is happening to me but I really really need a break and I really really need to cry. 

Uni Life

Hi my stupid blog. It's been forever and I'm back once again. It's funny how i thought life would be better in uni but look at where that ended me up in. I am so tired of trying and of not sleeping. This life is killing me because i feel so insufficient and useless. I feel so useless because I can't even reply my whatsapp in time so that my friends don't forget me. I feel so useless because I can't even finish my work. I feel so useless because I am just wasting my parent's money living a life that may never come true. I feel so useless because I can't even get my parents to agree on my relationship and I have to lie to them everyday. I feel so useless because I can't even go out and catch up with my friends and I even miss my own birthday celebrations. I still feel so suffocated like in my previous post which was in 2014. The environment has only became harsher. My friends are dropping out of the course. Maybe I should do so too, someday sometime. I hate how my life is like now and I hate the fact that there is nothing about myself that I like. I want my old self back but I think that confident happy girl is gone forever. There is only a feeling of complete darkness and a life of horror in front of me. I even get suicidal thoughts every now and then. I guess things are getting really bad. Nothing is helping me at all. I'm living my life with a mask of an optimistic, confident, smart girl which I am not. I feel so trapped. Perhaps tomorrow is a good day so there will be no Monday blues ever again...