Uni Life

Hi my stupid blog. It's been forever and I'm back once again. It's funny how i thought life would be better in uni but look at where that ended me up in. I am so tired of trying and of not sleeping. This life is killing me because i feel so insufficient and useless. I feel so useless because I can't even reply my whatsapp in time so that my friends don't forget me. I feel so useless because I can't even finish my work. I feel so useless because I am just wasting my parent's money living a life that may never come true. I feel so useless because I can't even get my parents to agree on my relationship and I have to lie to them everyday. I feel so useless because I can't even go out and catch up with my friends and I even miss my own birthday celebrations. I still feel so suffocated like in my previous post which was in 2014. The environment has only became harsher. My friends are dropping out of the course. Maybe I should do so too, someday sometime. I hate how my life is like now and I hate the fact that there is nothing about myself that I like. I want my old self back but I think that confident happy girl is gone forever. There is only a feeling of complete darkness and a life of horror in front of me. I even get suicidal thoughts every now and then. I guess things are getting really bad. Nothing is helping me at all. I'm living my life with a mask of an optimistic, confident, smart girl which I am not. I feel so trapped. Perhaps tomorrow is a good day so there will be no Monday blues ever again...