Projects

I m sick and tired of your attitude towards me. Yes i know i m busy, i delay deadlines, and i m not the best ones around but i do my job to my fullest and tried to keep within the deadlines and you dun even appreciate how i have to push away dates with my friends jus to do project with you. chem project later late like bio how? Thanks a lot lor, i finished the bio project video all on my own and did not sleep more than 3hr per day for a week jus for that and crashed my immune system till the extent that i could not wake up for cca. If you even know how hard it is to do a video all by myself with nothing to start with but a lot of uncategorised information. I know i handed in late but did u know how hard i tried to load that video? How many times i Had to redo because the com crashed? I would really appreciate you to think more about others. Ya i know u are concerned about your results but results arent everything, u so free so u will never understand the life of a busy person. It really saddens me everytime we do project together because it just make me feel how worthless i am to you and how terribly you treat me in your mind and how useless i am to you. I m really not the best friends around and definitely not your best friend. But i hope that you know even if we are just classmates, mutual respect should still hold. If you cant respect a persons ability, you can nvr expect her to help you further in future. I know what my strengths are and how they can help but when they are inapplicable i hope you know that you are all i can actually rely on. Mayb u did not know how important you mayb, but you are a friend to me even though i was hurt several times by the things you said and done. If u really dislike me now, leave me for all you want and i will never bother you for any projects work and recess again.

SYF

Syf is finally over! Mixed feelings...but we did well definitely :D. Thanks to all dancers efforts and cooperation, thanks to our teachers patience and love, thanks to our seniors help and thanks to the support of those not in the dance, we made it! Life was really tough, but still we got through it and made it to our best.
I have thoughts of giving up, mental breakdowns were so often i cant think properly sometimes, constant headaches and disappointment. Through this tough times that i pulled through, when i saw the dancers today, it felt like i nvr did anything and all the performances put up were efforts of their own. I had little confidence and i thought that teachers have always thought that i cant lead, but when i see the dancers healthy and strong, and when teacher msged me today and said "well done in leading and putting up a good show today," i felt that everything was worthwhile. The sense of accomplishment cannot be described. perhaps what they said was right, all i need is more confidence and become a bit fiercer. This unique experience given by the dancers will definitely be always in my mind and RVDS will always be a home to me no matter where i am. Thank you all, dance makes my day, dance brings me joy, and dance makes memories that are unforgettable.
(Photos will come later!)

Why is life like that?

Days flew pass 2 more days to chinese dance syf. Worried, anxious and i dont know what to do anymore. Heard somethings that is not so pleasant but a bad news always come with a comforting one. I maybe wrong to think that everyone is simple and innocent, but that is what i chose to believe in, whether it is to lie to myself or it is what i really believe in. I thought we are good now but seems like its not. I thought i knew you a bit more and better now but seems like its not. I thought everything is as it is now but seems like its not. I admit that i am not sensitive with issues like that but i have to admit that it hurts to hear such things. It hurts even more when you have to put up a strong front and continue smiling. Things arent easy for any of us and it sure isnt easy for you too. I am really tired of things now, dance is my life but it certainly isnt always that great. comforting news is that despite all this stupid stuff i did to someone, that person still stood up for me. It is really comforting but also it makes me feel really bad because i have never really cared about things that that person did. I wish things was better. I wish i had done a better job. I wish i was a better leader and i wish all this stuff have never happened.

Luv(sic) Part 5

Lyrics to Luv (Sic) Part 5 :

'till death do us apart, and it did
come sudden like clouds, and it hid my sun,
my truth heavier than imagined, a lid die-cast in lead
on our lives we nourished
and the days we cherished as kids
we let them whizz on by, but when I rewind
your smile is the only thing that comes to mind
your smile is the only thing that shines
in your last breath you told me, that you had to
'cause it pained you so,
oh I loved you so much so
was I selfish to hold on,
and cling on to your body that hosts a soul
that wanted to set free the eagle in a cage
and you became eagerly what I wanted to be
you the person to leave, I the person
to see off another best friend to land's end
I watched grown men moan, and women weep
as you quietly descended six feet deep
but the spirit ascended before our wet eyes
a gift from god, returned to sender
though I like to pretend that this never happened
I can turn around and see you laughing
but the fact is you could never practice
getting blind-sided and eating the wind shield
endless field of shards of glass
this too shall pass, but reality bites, it says not so fast
first you must climb a calvary of shattered. hopes
and then a mountain of prayers unheard
till you reach that peak where you can see the dark abyss below
then you let me know if you have what it takes for a leap of faith
I had to say, hell no, heaven yes, but not yet
please bless a forehead, cold in a bed
or alone on the road with nobody to hold
when the pouring rain is too much to bear
it's a reason to live for a seed that needs care

'till death do us apart and it did
come sudden like clouds and it hid my sun,
my truth heavier than imagined, a lid die-cast in lead
on our lives we nourished
and the days we cherished as kids
we let it whizz on by, but when I rewind
your smile is the only thing that comes to mind
your smile is the only thing that shines

now I hit this stage in honor of you,
how's the other side, I bet it's a splendid view
no more stress for rent, or to make ends
collide in a cocktail, shame with envy
I can hide behind lens that block the UV
looking in from the outside the bowl is murky
the toll for the bridge is rising
weatherman says storm, city hall is burning
same ol' chaos, gotta shut my cell like I'm waiting to take off
on the runway, scoping out the window
the moisture covers the sight though
telling myself it's just another day in the life of a starving artist
trying to paint a dream you woke from,
chasing the departed
we used to hang by the banks to see who can skip a stone the farthest
what I thought was a stream is now an ocean
no such thing as an extreme to show devotion
to your craft, which I didn't know the half
tried to knock down your door and caught the backdraft
and a whiplash, all in reverse
then I finally stood up and said, we reserve the right to serve anyone
and on the same note you deserve the best of the most fun
by the way I got your letter, you said you were fed up
well I second that and I reckon that you tried
so I don't place a blame that you took the fifth,
and the first flight out of town, into the mist

'till death do us apart and it did
come sudden like clouds and it hid my sun,
your truth heavier than imagined, a lid die-cast in lead
on our lives we nourished
and the days we cherished as kids
we let 'em whizz on by, but when I rewind
your smile is the only thing that comes to mind
your smile is the only thing that shines

your smile is the only thing that comes to mind
your smile is the only thing that shines

whether a tree lives to see the end of centuries
or a random hand picks it instantly
life is art, a miracle for all to believe,
I must tell you that you lived beautifully

Troubled?

Tmr is chinese dance rehearsal at kallang. Omg, withdrawal syndrome for lumen still not gone. But nvm chinese dance costume is so pretty. But it is super irritating that we have math test tmr and rehearsal after that and so much hw to do somemore, i wonder when is the last time i slept at 10. Projects are mostly due on the same week and it is so ironic that the school gets us to organise our time properly but they cant organise the projects and test date properly toprevent work overload. They want us to spend time with our family but hw, projects, group work, cca(not like i mind), are jus taking up all our time. Maybe a change will be helpful? Like homework given only on weekdays and dun drag them over the weekends? Projects and group work reduce? Because we are just doing about the same thing for all the subjects. Presentation, Report, video. i am not trying to say that our system now is no good but there is definitely space for improvement..
and suddenly rmbered that our chinese dance syf is a week away...

Lumen SYF

Blog post, omg. No one is gonna read this haha.
Today was our syf for lumen, after 2 years we are back at the same spot in UCC. Nothing there changed. What changed was jus us, from juniors to seniors, from then till now, time passed so quickly and everything just came and went in the speed of light. Training is tough (like you dont say), from seperated levels to one international dance lumen dancers, our sweat and tears and feelings during practices will never be able to be expressed in words. Standing infront of the dancers today, is like looking at a group of kids you've raised in the past months and finally now sending them to the battle. I had nothing much to say but there was a sudden surge of emotions that just filled my eyes with tears.(+my contacts which was super irritating) No matter how incapable, how seperated we are, we came together today as one for this item. Tears flowed before the performance, during the performance and even after the performance. You may wonder why this bunch of crazy girls are crying but honestly you will never understand why unless you went through all these tough times. Did we do well was a question and will remain a question because it differs according to what you think is well. Personally, i was impressed by our emotions during the dance and i could completely feel the dancers around me. It felt different. DIFFERENT. The feeling i got 2 years ago came back. :) i missed it sososososo much. Through this item, i hope that all the dancers have learnt and picked up some values that can only be learnt through experience, hope that all of them have grown up and will come together as one again. Our performance was imperfect, but imperfect itself says," i'm perfect."
"What does not kill you makes you stronger." I know what that means now. Apparently, it did not kill any of us, so here we are standing tall and proud, presenting our beloved item Lumen and our beloved cca, RVDS.